It’s 9:32 PM, and I’m in bed, about to sleep earlier than I have in weeks. I’ve been on annual leave, and as I lie here, a sudden heaviness settles in my heart.
Instinctively, I place my hand on my chest, as if trying to calm the rapid beating, almost as if it’s on the verge of bursting. I know I need to capture this moment, so I turn on some music—Simi’s “Jowo,” one of my favorites for its soft and tender melody, reflecting exactly how I feel right now.
But why do I feel this way?
Is it the conversation I just had with Yewande? Or maybe because I didn’t really speak with IC today? Could it be that I miss ILD so much? Perhaps I’m worried about H’s situation, uncertain if he’s affected by my return to work? Or maybe it’s the guilt of not being home for the boys’ first day of school tomorrow?
So many thoughts are swirling around, but none seem to stand out more than the others. Yet, somehow, they all converge into this sudden heartache, so intense that I’m fighting back tears.
One thing is certain: life feels different lately. I can’t fully articulate it, but I know that things have changed, and so have I.
Perhaps it’s the realization of this change that’s making my heart so tender, overflowing with gratitude and emotion to the point of tears.
But despite this heaviness, I know I’m not sad.
I’m hopeful. I trust that this week will unfold beautifully, that everything will align, and I’ll look back on this moment knowing that my spirit sensed it first.
Shalom.
