For a while now, I have been thinking of how much not so many people understand that friendship can only thrive through thoughtfulness. Consistent thoughtfulness from all parties involved. And how no one is immune to losing any friend for the slightest reason.
Friendship as adults is an ability to stay consistently thoughtful regardless of what you’re going through (of course the degree might dwindle, but still consistent).
While it’s understandable that people go through various degrees of life happenings both positively and negatively, I have realized that the only way an adult friendship can survive is if you understand that despite what you are going through, you still “owe” your friend/s consistent thoughtfulness. You need to still be available for them.
It is simply living beyond yourself to exist for another person. With friendship, you can’t be self-absorbed or selfish.
However, I have noticed that people want their friends to consistently be there for them because they are going through a lot, and they forget to also be there for those friends who are also going through a lot.
Almost like they think they have the pass to receive but not give in whatever capacity because of a life’s occurrence, forgetting that everyone has a situation that gives them a pass to be passive with someone else too.
While as humans we can put levels of severity on situations, it is not enough to remain thoughtless or stay unbothered not wanting to water but only be watered in a friendship and for long.
Even with our faith, we have to work to get to a certain level. We have to choose it with certain actions. How much more friendships!
You can’t stop making consistent thoughtful decisions or taking important actions that the friendship needs just because you are drowned in your world.
Furthermore, no one has it easy, you best believe. Your surgery might sound like a lot of pain to heal from, but the other person’s migraine is a lot too. If you keep wanting to receive care to heal, but never push to wish the other person health, it’s just a matter of time before you lose them.
As adults, learning to be thoughtful to our friends despite the stage we are in is what keeps the quality of the friendship.
Lastly, of course, I understand that there are some stages that you might have even lost yourself, but again, like every relationship, you have to be able to put things in compartments and deal accordingly.
Don’t take all the time for yourself. The way you need them is the way they need you. Life is dealing with everyone and although yours might feel grave, theirs feels grave too.
P.S: The next time someone stops caring about a friendship, take a real look at when last you reciprocated before you judge them. They probably stuck around burying their hurt for you to heal, but they didn’t see you bury yours for them.
The beauty of friendship is for us to heal each other. Don’t become an emotional liability.
